Visiting a loved one in an assisted living community can stir up a lot of emotions. Maybe there’s a little guilt, maybe a bit of sadness, and sometimes—even though no one wants to admit it—it can feel a little awkward or repetitive. You want to show up, be present, and make it meaningful… but it’s not always easy to know how.

The good news? With a few simple tweaks, those visits can go from “just checking in” to something both of you actually look forward to.

Don’t Just Sit—Bring Something To Do

You know that feeling when you’re both sitting there, sipping lukewarm coffee, and reaching for the next topic? Yeah, let’s avoid that. Bringing a small activity gives your time together more energy and less pressure to talk the whole time.

You could:

• Bring old photo albums or printed photos to flip through
• Do a crossword or word search together
• Watch part of a movie or favorite TV show on a tablet
• Play cards or a simple board game (bonus: it sparks memories)

Even something small like painting their nails, folding laundry together, or helping them write a letter can create that cozy “we’re just hanging out” vibe.

Show Up With Stories, Not Just Updates

It’s easy to fall into the trap of rattling off who’s doing what in the family—who’s in school, who got a new job, who moved. That stuff’s nice, sure. But what they’ll really remember is a story.

Tell them about the lady at the grocery store who was yelling at a self-checkout machine, or how your neighbor’s dog keeps stealing shoes from porches. Go for the little things that made you laugh or feel something this week. It makes the visit feel personal and real.

Let Them Steer The Conversation Sometimes

Sometimes, people in assisted living feel like life is just happening to them. Giving them the space to lead the conversation—even if it means listening to the same story twice—is a small way of saying, “Your voice still matters.”

Ask open-ended questions, like:

• “What was your favorite meal in the cafeteria this week?”
• “What’s something you remember about your first apartment?”
• “Have you made any new friends here lately?”

You might be surprised where the conversation goes.

Be Mindful Of Their Energy

This part’s easy to overlook. Depending on their health, they might get tired fast—even if they’re loving every second with you. Pay attention to little signs: eyes getting heavy, fidgeting, shorter answers.

It’s better to have a short, great visit than a long, draining one. And hey, it gives you a reason to come back soon.

Remember: It’s Okay If It’s Not Perfect

Not every visit will be sunshine and laughs. Sometimes, your loved one might be grumpy or quiet. That’s okay. Just showing up speaks volumes.

If you’re feeling unsure about what’s best for them, the team at the assisted living community can actually be a huge help. They know your loved one’s routines and might have suggestions for the best times or activities. 

At the end of the day, it’s not about planning the perfect visit. It’s about being there, being real, and sharing a little bit of your life with someone who probably misses being a bigger part of it. And that? That means everything.